A Life in Progress…

  WHY? Why? This is something I have been asking myself a lot lately. Why? It is such a little word but can hold so much meaning or have so many questions.  Yesterday, was a rough evening. Our kids are in different sports and depending on the day, we have to divide and conquer. Yesterday was one of those days. Anyway, I had made dinner and it was ready at the usual time. We strive to eat dinner no later than 5pm due to practices and try to eat as a family. Yesterday was different. Our son, went to open gym after school and ended up having snacks there. When he got home he wasn't hungry. This was at 4:40pm. I still had dinner ready and due to some company we ate buffet style and did not eat as a family like we normally do. Our son, was outside riding the e-bike. When he was done, he came in and got ready for football practice. When Will was ready, he took our son to practice & was there until 8pm.  Since everyone was done eating, I had put the food that ...

Alone..... I have never felt more alone. In December, our little girl was taken to the hospital for homicidal ideations. She was also doing a lot of self harm and hitting and punching both me, Will, and her counselor. She was in the hospital for 8 days and was diagnosed with DMDD (Bi-polar 1) & PTSD. When she was released, she was doing fantastic. She had a sparkle in her eyes and her demeanor was completely different. It was good times. Then it all started to fall apart. A couple of weeks ago, she threatened to throw a wooden stool at me. It is one of the kind that you usually put at a breakfast bar. It is light weight and does not have a back on it. She also was calling me names and yelling at me. Then, about two weeks later she was angry at school and earned herself Isolated Instruction. (It is basically in-school suspension.) She was there for a total of 2.5 days due to her being unsafe, throwing everything off of her desk, and then throwing a shoe at a para-e...

Belonging. We all long to belong. Belonging is acceptance, to feel included. In order to belong, to a group, club, any other organization, you have to put yourself out there and be vulnerable. Part of being vulnerable is being able to handle rejection.  I thought I was ready and able to handle rejection but I am finding that I was utterly wrong. I am currently feeling as if I don't belong. Due to this, I feel very lonely. I long for friendships like I had back in Washington. I long for girl's nights and coffee with friends. I long for the kind of friendships that include making time for others. This feeling of aloneness and belonging is becoming so great that it is affecting my daily attitude. All I want to do is feel as if I belong and not feel so lonely all the time.   Belonging = Acceptance

I am lonely. I have been struggling with feeling lonely constantly. I am not alone here in Arizona but I am lonely. I mean I have my kids and husband and my little sister and her family but since moving from my comfort zone and home in July, I have seen her maybe a handful of times. Plus, my kids go to school and hubby goes to work. I really don't have much going on in my life. I, however, started attending a mom's group that I found out about through the church we are attending. It is like MOPS but it is for all moms not just the ones that have preschoolers. I have attended 2 meetings so far and the ladies are lovely but I am still out of my comfort zone. The feeling of loneliness has really overtaken me the last couple of weeks. I try to keep it at bay but it is difficult when I am alone most days and all I have to keep me company is my cat Mercy. Then when my family is home, I am cooking meals, making sure homework is done, and making sure the kids are ready for the ...