WHY?

 WHY?

Why? This is something I have been asking myself a lot lately. Why? It is such a little word but can hold so much meaning or have so many questions. 

Yesterday, was a rough evening. Our kids are in different sports and depending on the day, we have to divide and conquer. Yesterday was one of those days. Anyway, I had made dinner and it was ready at the usual time. We strive to eat dinner no later than 5pm due to practices and try to eat as a family. Yesterday was different. Our son, went to open gym after school and ended up having snacks there. When he got home he wasn't hungry. This was at 4:40pm. I still had dinner ready and due to some company we ate buffet style and did not eat as a family like we normally do. Our son, was outside riding the e-bike. When he was done, he came in and got ready for football practice. When Will was ready, he took our son to practice & was there until 8pm. 

Since everyone was done eating, I had put the food that had not been eaten in containers and put them in the fridge. This is done every night. I also try to put the leftovers on the same shelf so my family knows what is leftovers and should be eaten first. Well, due to consistency, I had done that, like I do every night there are leftovers. When our son got home he was hungry. Well, he got all upset and was wondering where dinner was and why it wasn't ready for him. He then goes to the freezer and pulls out his ice cream, that he had purchased, and starts eating it. His sister asks him why he is eating his ice cream and he yells because there is nothing else to eat. I was shocked! I mean, he saw that I had made dinner. He just told me that he wasn't hungry and then went to practice. He was then told that dinner was in the fridge and he went to the fridge and pulled out some green beans and said "this? Green beans is not dinner!" At that point I was done. He had been belittling me and saying that I didn't make dinner for about 3 minutes. I blew up! I yelled that I was done! I had made dinner and it was ready at 5pm and he was the one that chose NOT to eat when it was ready. I then left the room. I just couldn't anymore. 

It upsets me that my husband allows the kids to talk to me like they do. It upsets me that I try to maintain consistency and no one else appreciates it. It upsets me that everyone says I'm too strict and that I need to loosen up a bit. It upsets me that there are so many things that frustrate other members of the family that I do that they want me to change but the one thing I want them to change it talking with food in their mouths and they can't do that one thing for me. Everyone wants me to change but they won't listen or even hear me when I have a concern. 

After last night, even my pups don't want to be around me. I have a house full of people and animals and not one wants to be around me. I don't even know why I bother. Maybe I should leave, go somewhere else, become invisible. I'm not sure anyone would miss me so what is the point. Maybe their lives would be better without me. I just don't know anymore. I don't even know my Why anymore.