Friday, May 20, 2011

Decisions......

Had I not chosen to stay in the little town of Garfield for my teen's, I would have never met my loving, caring, wonderful husband. Even though it was hard, it ended up being one of the best decisions I have mad. I mean look at the end result. :)

One Step Forward.....Two Steps Back

I am beyond frustrated! We have been trying to become foster parents for a while now. Our goal is to adopt a child or children out of the foster care system. I was initially excited about the organization that we choose to use to help us realize our dream. Now, I am frustrated by that organization. For those who don't know, my mother passed away in 1986. That is over 25 years ago and the organization is worried that I have "unresolved" grief because of her passing. They asked me to talk to a specific person about my grief and I did what they asked. Apparently that person was not good enough. I now have to go talk to someone else about my grief. Problem is that I do not have unresolved grief issues. I have moved on with my life. I guess the problem is that I haven't forgotten my mom and what she meant to me. Maybe that is what they want me to do. I am not sure.

They also wanted me to go to someone and grieve the fact that I am unable to have children of my own. The problem with that is....I have never been tested. So, I do not know if that is the case. I am just frustrated by the whole situation.

Because of this organization, I am loosing my desire to want to work with them. It seems that what ever I do or say is not good enough for them. I don't want to talk to them anymore. I am making my husband do the calling and talking. I mean every time I think we are taking a step forward, we are actually taking two steps back!!!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I got a.....

JOB!!! Yep, that is right. I am working as a receptionist/receiver at the Oil Analysis Lab. You may be asking yourself....1. What do they do? 2. Where are they located? 3. How did you find out about this job?

Well,
1. They analyse oil, fuel, and transmission fluid of many different modes of transportation. Most are big rigs from mine & for construction companies. They also do aircrafts, boats and personal rigs. So far it is very interesting and I am enjoying it a lot.

2. They are located on Sprague. They are hoping to move to their new location in a couple of weeks. That location is on Riverside. Hopefully the transition will be smooth.

3. I found this job through a temp service. This service also does screening for employers who are looking for someone that is qualified to fill a position permanently. My job is permanent after 3 months probation. I am a week into my probation and things seem to be going well. I am hoping that this trend continues.

I thank GOD that I found a job and one without drama. :)

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Gone to Soon

My father-in-law John recently passed away at the age of 66. He passed away at home of a heart attack on March 17, 2011. When you really think about it, 66 is young considering lots of people die in their 80's. It is kind of weird to think that March 12th was the last day that I saw him. We had a birthday party for our nephew, John's grandson, that day. We knew he wasn't doing well health wise then, but we didn't really understand how bad it really was. It makes me think of all the things he wanted for Will & I. How he wanted us to be happy, have/adopt children, and to be better off financially to name a few. My father-in-law only wanted the best for us. He may not have known how to say what he wanted to say without someone taking it personally, but we knew he did it out of love. Isn't that what you want? I would rather of had it that way than having him keep his mouth shut.

John's passing also makes me remember my mom and how she died to soon as well. She passed away at the age of 36 of breast cancer. It is kind of weird to think that I have out lived my mother. I was only 12 at the time she passed and had recently moved to a new town, which meant a new school, new friends, a whole new way of life.

Just a couple of examples of people who are gone much too soon! I have imagined my mom & John meeting for the first time in heaven. That is a wonderful picture and puts a smile on my face. Our loss is heaven's gain. Just wish it wasn't so soon.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

I am losing it.....

I have gone on interviews for 3 different places of employment. Out of those 3 places, I have heard back from one and we all know how that worked out. I am enjoying my time off, but this is the longest I have gone with out employment. Hence, I am losing my patience.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Are you still interested?

I had a potential employer call me and ask me if I was still interested in the position that I had applied for. By the time I got the message they were gone for the day. I then emailed to see if they were offering me the position. Well, they were and I had taken too much time to give my answer to them so they figured that I did not want the job. Funny thing is that they really did not offer me the job. They asked if I was still interested in the job that is not offering the job. So, my advice to people who do the hiring for their company is if you are offering a position to a person, tell them that you would like to offer them the position, not ask if they are still interested in the job.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I finally made it!

I finally got through on the radio and am now a Loyal Listener. I am now Loyal Listener #1468. Ken Hopkins was on poetry duty and his poem was pure brilliance! I now get to have lunch at Qdoba Mexican Grill with other Loyal Listeners and Dave, Ken & Molly. Can't wait to have lunch & be a part of the laughs that they have on the radio.

Job Hunting 101

I have been on the job hunt for 2 weeks now. I have signed up on several different job search sites. Since I have signed up on those websites, I have received more spam in my email that I care to have. I have also been getting LOTS of phone calls from unknown phone numbers. I don't pick them up because they have 800, 801, 802, or 888 area codes, I just let them to go to voicemail. No voicemail=no call back! Getting the phone calls and spam email is the most frustrating part of signing up for the job sites.

Looking on Craigslist for a job is an adventure as well. There are SO many scams out there right now. Lots of them choose to use the email address that Craigslist will give them. That makes it hard to figure out which jobs are scams & the ones that are not. You can tell that they are scams when they email you back thanking you for your interest in the job. They then ask you to fill out a "formal" application and get your credit report through their site. Requesting a credit report before you are even hired or interviewed, that is a RED FLAG! I would not get my own credit report to bring to an interview. Also, I think that the employer or potential employer should have to pay for the credit report, not me. Bedsides, the credit report has LOTS of private information. I guess when you apply for them, you are hoping and praying that they are not. I am seeing a lot of jobs in medical billing or for a receptionist in a medical/dental office. I apply, but I am told that I am not quailified since I don't have insurance billing background.

So, for right now job hunting is just that, hunting. I am learning to be patient on my hunt. I am also praying that the right job is revealed to me.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

When it rains...it pours

This has NOT been a good week. It started off with my father-in-law having to be rushed to the emergency room yesterday. He had a mild heart attack and is having issues with his kidneys. They can't run run the need tests for his heart because of his kidneys. So right now he is in the hospital waiting for his kidneys to start working the way they should.

Today, I was asked by my boss to come into his office and close the door. He then told me that it was my last day. The office/business was going in a different direction and that did not include me. Needless to say I was shocked. I do not really understand the reasoning behind my job being terminated. When I asked more questions, I was also told that some agents had complained about me. When I asked for examples, none were given. I am completely confused as to why this has happened. I am still in shock over the whole thing.

Right now, I just have to believe that there is something big in the works for me. At least that is my prayer.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Changes

I have decided that I need to make some changes in my life.

Some of these changes include:
  • Spend more quality time with my husband and be a better wife
  • Spend more time with our family (in-laws, Emily & Jack)
  • Take pride in my home & keep it clean
  • Eat out less and make healthier meals
  • Save more $$
  • Curb impulse spending. Ask- is it a need or a want?
  • Less caffeine...AKA: less Dutch Bros and soda
  • More water
  • Exercise more
  • Find an activity that Will and I can enjoy together.

These are just a few of the things that I am wanting to change. I figure it is never to late. Although, I am not going to jump in with both feet on the caffeine, I am going to wean myself. I don't want to get a caffeine headache. :)

Sunday, January 23, 2011

A Decision is made

This last week, we have had several decisions to make. Well, not we, me. Going through the foster care licensing process, I was told that I needed to seek grief counseling for children that I have/can't have. Until I go to counseling, our file has been closed. Problem is, I don't know if I can't have my own children. I don't believe in grieving for children that I can't have, especially when I don't know if that is the case. So, I made the decision that we need to get fertility tests done. I am also going to start using ovulation strips to see if I am even ovulating.

I know that I should have made this decision earlier, but I figure...better late than never. I know that I am getting older and getting pregnant is harder as I am getting older, but I don't want to say, I did not know it I could get pregnant or not. It is nice to know that I know someone else who is going through the same thing I am right now & has actually had the testing done. That way if I have any question I can ask her.

Since I have made this decision, I have felt a peace. It is strange, but I do not feel any anxiety about it. I know that I have made the right decision and am anxious to get the process going. I think by taking this step, we will have a better understanding of the next step we will need to take.

Praying for God's Will!

Monday, January 17, 2011

Foster Care Update

As you know, Will & I have decided to become Foster parents. We started this process in late July - early August. It has been a long process for us too. The social workers have come to our home several times to talk about our separate childhoods, our relationship with our families, and our relationship with each other. Nothing is private. They ask about everything, and I mean EVERYTHING!

Today we had a meeting with the social workers, per their request, to see what the next step was. I mean, I thought that they would be coming to talk about the home walk-thru and what to expect in the finalization process to becoming a licenced Foster Care home. Well, this meeting was not what I had expected. I found out that they want me to go to counseling for grief that, according to them, I have not dealt with.

This is very frustrating to me. The grief that they feel I need to deal with is the fact that I can't have children of my own. Now, there has been NO medical diagnosis of this what so ever, so why would I grieve it? Just because we have been trying for a while to have our own children, does not mean that we can't. I believe that one day we will have a child of our own, if it doesn't happen, then it doesn't happen, but I believe one day it will. I will continue to believe that until a medical doctor tell us that it is medically impossible for us to have our own children.

So, because I have "un-dealt with grief", our application to become foster parents has been closed or "put on ice". This is very frustrating because of all we have done in this process, as well as others and the amount of time and money spent on this adventure that might not even happen now.

The question I am asking myself now, is........"God, what is your plan? Is this not your will for us? What is next God?"

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Choices

I have been doing a lot of thinking about choices. Some of my choices have been good, some not so good. Either way, I have to deal with those choices daily, as they have shaped me into the person I am today. They have also brought me to the place I am in my life. For that, I would not change for the world.

You may be asking, "why are you blogging about choices?" I have chosen to blog about choices because it has come up a lot in conversation lately. It is interesting to have someone "blame" you because of the choices they made. How am I responsible for someone else's choices? It is easy to blame someone else for your choices & decisions. Especially when those decisions are "bad" ones. It is not my fault or the fault of my husband's that you have make these choices. If you would have chosen to get help from professionals, you may not be in the situation you are currently in.

All I can say, is TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR CHOICES AND STOP BLAMING OTHERS FOR YOUR MISTAKES! For an easier way of putting it, PUT ON YORU BIG BOY PANTS AND DEAL!!!