Friday, January 28, 2011

Changes

I have decided that I need to make some changes in my life.

Some of these changes include:
  • Spend more quality time with my husband and be a better wife
  • Spend more time with our family (in-laws, Emily & Jack)
  • Take pride in my home & keep it clean
  • Eat out less and make healthier meals
  • Save more $$
  • Curb impulse spending. Ask- is it a need or a want?
  • Less caffeine...AKA: less Dutch Bros and soda
  • More water
  • Exercise more
  • Find an activity that Will and I can enjoy together.

These are just a few of the things that I am wanting to change. I figure it is never to late. Although, I am not going to jump in with both feet on the caffeine, I am going to wean myself. I don't want to get a caffeine headache. :)

Sunday, January 23, 2011

A Decision is made

This last week, we have had several decisions to make. Well, not we, me. Going through the foster care licensing process, I was told that I needed to seek grief counseling for children that I have/can't have. Until I go to counseling, our file has been closed. Problem is, I don't know if I can't have my own children. I don't believe in grieving for children that I can't have, especially when I don't know if that is the case. So, I made the decision that we need to get fertility tests done. I am also going to start using ovulation strips to see if I am even ovulating.

I know that I should have made this decision earlier, but I figure...better late than never. I know that I am getting older and getting pregnant is harder as I am getting older, but I don't want to say, I did not know it I could get pregnant or not. It is nice to know that I know someone else who is going through the same thing I am right now & has actually had the testing done. That way if I have any question I can ask her.

Since I have made this decision, I have felt a peace. It is strange, but I do not feel any anxiety about it. I know that I have made the right decision and am anxious to get the process going. I think by taking this step, we will have a better understanding of the next step we will need to take.

Praying for God's Will!

Monday, January 17, 2011

Foster Care Update

As you know, Will & I have decided to become Foster parents. We started this process in late July - early August. It has been a long process for us too. The social workers have come to our home several times to talk about our separate childhoods, our relationship with our families, and our relationship with each other. Nothing is private. They ask about everything, and I mean EVERYTHING!

Today we had a meeting with the social workers, per their request, to see what the next step was. I mean, I thought that they would be coming to talk about the home walk-thru and what to expect in the finalization process to becoming a licenced Foster Care home. Well, this meeting was not what I had expected. I found out that they want me to go to counseling for grief that, according to them, I have not dealt with.

This is very frustrating to me. The grief that they feel I need to deal with is the fact that I can't have children of my own. Now, there has been NO medical diagnosis of this what so ever, so why would I grieve it? Just because we have been trying for a while to have our own children, does not mean that we can't. I believe that one day we will have a child of our own, if it doesn't happen, then it doesn't happen, but I believe one day it will. I will continue to believe that until a medical doctor tell us that it is medically impossible for us to have our own children.

So, because I have "un-dealt with grief", our application to become foster parents has been closed or "put on ice". This is very frustrating because of all we have done in this process, as well as others and the amount of time and money spent on this adventure that might not even happen now.

The question I am asking myself now, is........"God, what is your plan? Is this not your will for us? What is next God?"

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Choices

I have been doing a lot of thinking about choices. Some of my choices have been good, some not so good. Either way, I have to deal with those choices daily, as they have shaped me into the person I am today. They have also brought me to the place I am in my life. For that, I would not change for the world.

You may be asking, "why are you blogging about choices?" I have chosen to blog about choices because it has come up a lot in conversation lately. It is interesting to have someone "blame" you because of the choices they made. How am I responsible for someone else's choices? It is easy to blame someone else for your choices & decisions. Especially when those decisions are "bad" ones. It is not my fault or the fault of my husband's that you have make these choices. If you would have chosen to get help from professionals, you may not be in the situation you are currently in.

All I can say, is TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR CHOICES AND STOP BLAMING OTHERS FOR YOUR MISTAKES! For an easier way of putting it, PUT ON YORU BIG BOY PANTS AND DEAL!!!